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meeting someone for the first time and within minutes—without a word being
said—having the ability to tell what that person is thinking. Magic? Not quite.
Whether people are aware of it or not, their body movements clearly express
their attitudes and motives. These simple gestures, which most of us don’t even
notice, can communicate key information that is invaluable in a range of
to Read a Person Like a Book is designed to teach you how to interpret and respond to the
nonverbal signals of business associates, friends, loved ones, and even
strangers. Best-selling authors Gerard Nierenberg, Henry Calero, and Gabriel
Grayson have collaborated to put their working knowledge of body language into
this practical guide to recognizing, understanding, and using nonverbal
communication. With How to Read a Person Like a Book, you will learn:
* How to tell if someone is not being
* When to push forward or back off during a
* How to identify an aggressive or
* When someone has lost interest in what
you are saying.
* How to put people at ease by mirroring
* Why your body language can make or break
Whether in an office, on a date, or on a family outing, the simple technique of
reading body language is a unique skill that offers real and important benefits—and
to Read a Person Like a Book will help you hone that skill.
Grayson has served as the chairperson of the Department of
Sign Language at New School University in New York City, and as a principal
court-appointed sign language interpreter for the NYC judicial system. Grayson is
also the best-selling author of the esteemed American Sign Language (ASL)
reference guide Talking With Your Hands, Listening With Your Eyes
I. Nierenberg, a
successful lawyer, pioneered the idea of the “everybody wins” philosophy—now usually
referred to as “win-win”—which ensures that all parties benefit from the
negotiation. Nierenberg has written twenty best-selling books, including The New Art of Negotiating,
and is founder of The Negotiation Institute, which offers state-of-the-art
training to professionals around the world.
H. Calero has been writing about communication and negotiation for over
thirty years. A consultant and writer for professional, academic, and technical
publications, he is also the author of The
Power of Nonverbal Communication and coauthor of Nierenberg’s The
New Art of Negotiating.
People-watching always proves to be a fascinating diversion. You’ve probably done it from time to time at the mall, at the grocery store, in meetings, during social gatherings, at sporting events, and so on. And if you’re like us, you’ve probably found yourself wondering what someone was thinking--what the story was behind a certain action or decision.
You probably already know that the “faces” people make or the way they tilt their heads, for instance, suggest certain thoughts or feelings. What people convey with their bodies, regardless of whether or not any words are said, speaks volumes about their intentions and emotions. And if words are spoken, knowing what a person is communicating via body language can, in many cases, help affirm or contradict what you are hearing.
Being aware of the emotions and intentions behind certain mannerisms can help you in all areas of your life. The more you practice “reading people like a book,” the more you’ll understand what makes them tick. With this deeper understanding, you’ll be able to deal more effectively with people on a professional, personal, and casual level.
By reading this book, you’ll learn how to train yourself to pay attention to the nonverbal language going on all around you. You’ll begin to “listen” with your eyes, watching carefully for the words, sentences, and paragraphs people write with their gestures and expressions. In Chapter 1, you’ll train yourself to become a keen observer of people. Then, in Chapter 2, you’ll come face to face with the expressions people make and the meanings behind them. The rest of the body plays as much of a role in nonverbal communication as the face, so in Chapter 3, you’ll learn the individual meanings of body gestures. You know that individual words do not convey a complete thought; even a sentence leaves many things unsaid. In much the same way, expressions and body gestures need to be strung together to provide a more complete picture of someone’s feelings or intentions. Therefore, Chapter 4 examines various attitudes along with the gesture clusters that are common to them. Finally, Chapter 5 takes a look at body language and relationships. In that important chapter, you’ll see how the gestures you’ve already learned about may surface in interactions with your child, your romantic partner, your staff, and other significant people in your life, and you’ll discover how you can employ your own body language to enhance these relationships.
You can learn a lot by reading body language, but please take this brief warning to heart: It’s easy to believe that you have a good grasp of nonverbal communication after just a bit of exposure, but it’s a mistake to become complacent. Be careful not to jump to conclusions based on some light reading and practice. Gaining a deeper understanding of people through studying their behaviors should be a lifelong learning experience, so don’t try to figure everything out all at once. Instead, focus on something new each day, or even each week, depending on the complexity of the behavior or person. Indeed, each hour you spend consciously observing body language is merely a small step up the long staircase of knowledge. Always keep in mind that “reading a person like a book” is an observational art, not an exact science. There are many variables and interpretations to take into account, so be observant, know your material as well as your subjects, and allow room for some surprises!